Tie a ribbon around my colon

It has been a long intense week. So, sometime Wednesday night, while Dad was lying ill and moaning on the couch, I decided to eat a ribbon that I found on the floor. No reason for that choice, it just was calling to me and I didn't know if Dad would survive to feed me again, so I figured I needed to experiment with alternative nutrition. During the night I was filled with horrible cramps and ended up leaving a puddle on the hall floor. Then, while Dad was out eating lunch with Mom, I left my own lunch in the hall (somewhat pre-digested). Finally, while Dad was watching "My Name is Earl," I felt a great pain and promptly went to the litter box. When I left, who was following me but the ribbon!!!! I ran into the living room tossing and turning then to the den then to the kitchen then to the bedroom then to the bathroom with the ribbon following me all the way. finally Dad pinned me to the floor and removed it from my bottom. Ouch!